Are You Complaining Too Much?

Last week I promised to do you an article on complaining, and here it is! (Clap for my faithfulness! lol.) Thanks if you did clap.

Before we paint an ugly picture on this subject, may I say that complaining can be good and a source of healing, sometimes. Therefore there are two types of complaining: Instrumental and Expressive.

Instrumental complaining seeks to find a solution to a problem. For instance, if your boss complains of your late coming or inconsistency in producing quality work, then he's intending to put the working etiquette in
order.  Or if your neighbor complains of loud music from your house, then she's basically trying to make you reduce your volume. That's benefit too for your ears.

Expressive complaining aims at easing your chest or help you get a favor or help. If you talked to a friend on how horrible your work place is, the truth is, nothing from this conversation shall really change your working conditions; you're only finding solace. Expressive complaining is self-centered. This is the type of complaining I want us to discuss.

Once in a while, we all get caught up in this web of complaining. I was a victim, not that I've been fully delivered, but I've greatly improved since I learnt the repercussions. 

As I said in the 5 things you're doing that will never help you, when we complain, we try to avoid facing an internal problem. In other words, complaining (especially expressive complaining) is an evident reflection of the pain or bad feeling within us.

So, what are the negative effects of complaining?
i) Negative Energy
I always avoid coming in contact with  the practicality of these two words: Negative energy. Negative energy simply retards you. Energy is meant to propel you and cause an action. Negative energy will too help you make a progress, only that it steps backward. When you complain you fill your environment with low levels of energy and this has an impact on your daily production and happiness.

ii) Kills relationships
People have enough problems to think over. Your employer has got enough headache both from the company and family. Your pal is trying to fix his staggering relationship. If you go complaining to such people, you can be assured some relational cords will break. What really people need are solutions. You provide solutions in your company, you stand a better chance of a salary increment. You help your partner overcome his fears, then you can talk of a health marriage. They say cry and you'll cry alone, laugh and the whole world will laugh with you. That's VERY TRUE!

ii) Effect on Others
The worst thing about complaining is that it does not only drown you alone, but can potentially wreck your hearers. Your words and thoughts bring negativity to others. A whole company can be brought down by workers listening to one complainant. A complaining partner will ruin a marriage. This will affect the children, then the extended family, the friends...the list goes on. Always figure out what impact your moods and words will cause on others.

In the society we're living in, we're advised to be smiley and act good. Aha, pretend all is well. That is toxic, especially when you're sour ailing within you. So, what is one meant to do? Bellow I share a simple practical guideline to help you overcome complaining.

Step 1: Understand the root of your internal pain
What's hurting concerning your work place? Is it the working conditions? The salary? Heavy work load?
What is wrong with your friend? He demands a lot of time? Never there for you? Smokes?
Why complain of your house? The space or location? Get to know the root of your pain.

Step 2: Internalize that root
Here you take time to examine the consequences of continual complaining. Allow your system to accept that this practice will eventually heart you as a person and the people around you. Take sometime to be aware of the effect you're causing on others. Be true to yourself, be aware of the pain and feeling. Understand that complaining is human.

Step 3: Solve!
Now that you know the problem, and you've figured and accepted that complaining won't really bring you a solution, then it's better you figure out how to make a positive reaction. For instance, if it concerns your salary, you may opt to talk to your boss, or find other ways to generate more income. Instead of complaining on your poor spending behavior of your fiance, you may wish to discuss the matter and express your feeling.

ALSO: Pray! I can't include this on steps because prayer can not be put in orders. You simply pray anytime. Jesus is the closest friend you can ever find, present all the time. Speak to Him what is hurting you. Pray for those hurting you. But remember to make Him a friend. I guess it's much easier to talk to a friend. One hymn that I love so much says:

                                       Can we find a friend so faithful, who will all our sorrows share,
                                       Jesus knows our every weakness, take it to the Lord in prayer!

The bottom line is, you must learn how to say what is hurting you and you must find the right ear. Be careful not to go telling everybody your problems. But don't die quiet, one reason you have friends and family is to help you carry burdens. 

What are your thoughts regarding complaining? Please feel free to share with us in the comment box bellow. Remember also to hit the share button to reach your friends!

Blessings as we join to strangle complaining!