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3 Deadly "After-Committing Behaviors" That Will Kill Your Relationship

You loved this person. Followed. Waited. Endured patiently.

And he/she came at last. Accepted your desire to share your life with him.

2-5-17 months later, you are enemies. Soul-mates to enemies, not even friends. No more love. No more feelings. No more desire. What went wrong?
One big misleading  statement I've ever heard is: "If a love bird truly belongs to you, it doesn't matter, even if it flew away, it'll come back to you." I can simply tell you, "You'll be shocked."

It happens daily. Hearts are broken and wounded. In extreme cases, lives are lost. Yea, a person dies. In a few incidents, people may realize that the person they're dating ain't possessing 'those characteristics' they were looking for in a partner leading to a breakage. We can avoid these ugly incidents. Here are 3 major reasons why it becomes hard to concentrate after giving you heart pledge. Avoid them!
 

Reason 1: Not Settling

Before stating dating, you had all the opportunity to choose the best. Now that you've decided, why go comparing your soul-mate to others?  Nothing kills relationships like the being on the fence; you are in, but still looking for the 'best' - another who's prettier, taller, richer, darker.

 The truth is you're not going to find a person who'll match all of your check-list. There shall be differences and life will exert more pressure on relationships. You'll feel heat from the environment, your partner and even from within yourself. And it's not about to cool because each day you're discovering this person and you're like, "oh boy, i didn't know this!"

Don't be lied to, looking around for "greener pastures" won't solve much. If you've found a person you match with for a greater percentage, please settle and move on. Life is short, time is limited, stop hopping from one person to another. SETTLE.

Reason 2: Love-Feeling Misunderstanding

Never ever exchange love for feelings. This is what I mean: Love resides within and it never ends; in fact Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13 that love never ends. You better believe it. If you find out that you don't love somebody anymore, then you didn't love him/her altogether - and you can always tell if you do love a person or not.

Feelings are basically emotional states, sensations or reactions. Being a state, it will always change. We may  (and we always do) have different perceptions on different issues depending on our past experience, 'maturity' of an individual, capacity to handle situations and many other factors.

So there's this morning you just "feel" like you don't love this person because of one mistake he/she did yesterday. Or this day you 'have no grace' to talk to them. Generally there will be a time you'll simply not be in a mood to please a person. Don't conclude that love is gone. Understand this: You still love this person only that the feelings have flown away. Just look for them.

When your partner behaves the same to you, don't go lamenting and condemning; it's just a feeling for a short moment. We are not always 100% faithful to our Lord Jesus. Once in a while we run to Him ashamed saying we're sorry. But does it mean while we messed we still didn't love Him? NO! Or does He send us away? I still say NO!

We're human and we do err. Whenever you get riled and both of you can't communicate, just give yourself some time, cool down and when 'the bad feelings' go, sit down and enjoy good moments. Whenever I'm not happy with a person I know I truly do love, my face may be dull but within I do smile knowing very soon I'll simply humble myself and accept to move on. Why? Because there's love and it will not end. But you must always narrow down this gap of MISUNDERSTANDING.

Reason 3: The 'Used-to' Window

A very dangerous window, I must say. Nothing can kill your relationship faster like a slight show of contempt and dissatisfaction.

By default, human-beings are created to be happy when they discover. That's a sign of improvement. We're happy when we get a new job, but sooner than we think, we're not happy - we need another one. We buy this cool car and we go bragging to friends not knowing that it won't take long before we're fed up with it. And we do just the same to many things and achievements in life.

The only BIG mistake we make is carrying this trait to relationships. There are things we simply can't keep changing - like a church and lovers. We must make a resolution once and for all. Yea at times it may not work, but may your conscience bare you witness that you were determined to go to the very end.

PLEASE don't 'get used' to a person who once willingly accepted to share his/her life and heart with you. PLEASE don't go comparing them with others out there. PLEASE respect them. Don't show contempt; it really hurts. They say "if you love show it, don't say it; if you hate say it, don't show it." 

You can easily avoid getting into 'the used-to' window by continually reminding yourself that your partner is a unique person, a gift to you from God. Gifts are treasured! It's a great honor for somebody to take a risk of spending entire life with you. Appreciate that; Don't get 'USED TO'.

My Parting Shot

True love is a give-take kind of relationship; both participants must willingly accept to do to the other what they desire done to them. Now just imagine what could happen to relationships if we all settled down, understood our feelings and never got used to our partners? Do your part; commit yourself to walk down the road no matter what. Much blessings as you make the resolution!

Back to you: Which of the above reasons do you think mostly breaks relationships? Do you have any other obstacle to health relationships. Share your wisdom with us.

For more about developing true love see my article "15 Gauge-Points To Measure Your Love Level"