Want To Suffer? Dare Do It The Right Way!

We’re talking about marriage. Do it the right way and suffer. Do it the wrong way, enjoy. Let’s agree that way, lest I make no sense.

To some extent, I’ve come to agree that David was right on his complaint that those who do it the wrong way just walk away comfortably. It’s strange how people who strive to do it right suffer for the very good they do. If you’re in the market place, allow some bit of corruption and you’ll safe yourself some headache with city council. Planning for some exams? Don’t struggle so much, do some cheating, it’s right. And so so so much in life…just do some wrong.

I’m doing this article to contend for the youth regarding marriage. This is the cry of the youth; I wish I could reach all parents! And if you intend to be a parent in the future, read on. Basically, there are two broad ways to go about this.

First, which most follow, you simply agree with your partner to get married. Move in and begin living. Then, either by default or arrangement, both of your people will know. By now you might be expecting a baby, or is already born. That’s pretty easy, a few people will fight you. Anyway you’re already married.

Secondly, you may choose to start by informing your people that you intend to marry so and so on this date. Then you may go to your spiritual leaders if you have any. Better still you may wish to crown it with a wedding. This process is not only long, but it actually contains some hard, unnecessary hurdles to jump, most of them created by the very people who should make it easy for you.

In a few paras, I’ll discuss the tears most youth go through silently before you see them announce publicly with a smile, “I do.”


1. Find a DIFFERENT Partner!

I truly agree parents and guardians have a responsibility to advice and guide their children on the matters of marriage. It’s true, where an old man can see while sited, we may not see even if we climbed a tree. My problem is when we can’t be allowed to make a decision. It’s sad.

We go to our parents to honor them and get their blessing as even make a step into the waters of marriage. I believe their well wishes make a difference for they are ordained of God. But how many people are deprived of this blessing simply because they presented a person against the parents’ expectation? Worse to that, the expectations not met here are not Biblical.

I know of a brother, who gave up on marriage. He chose to respect his parents after they STOOD THEIR GROUND that they won’t accept his fiancée. He’s in his mid 40’s, and I doubt if he’s got a plan.

Another friend of mine had a rough time. The lady’s parents just showed up on the wedding day after saying NO all through. The day was full of tears – am not sure if they were tears of joy or sorrow.

One sister had the whole family show her the back and vowed never to expect any support from them. It was to be clear that if she chose to marry her man, she was on her own.

…and examples are many!

Why this entire dram? If these guys took the first plan, all the pains experienced here could drastically fall by over 80%.


2. Dowry! Must we be SOOO hard?

Dowry is a good gesture of appreciation, to people who have taken care of a lady who’ll be your wife. I hear parents, especially mothers, cry it’s very painful to let their daughters go. Before Rebekah went to start living with Isaac, her mom requested, “Let the damsel abide with us a few days, at the least ten; after that she shall go.” It tell you how dear their daughters are to them.

But it’s unfair when we willfully decide to make a kill out of such a good culture. Many young men are truly tortured, and high dowry payments is one reason why most people have not, won’t and will never do it the right way.

Re-visiting the stories on "did you meet her at the well too", Jacob willingly decided to work for 7 years as dowry payment. It’s not mentioned if Moses paid it, but it sounds he’d a sweet experience with Jethro, his father in-law, since he gave Zipporah to Moses in good faith. Abraham’s servant willingly gave expensive GIFTS to Rebekah’s people. There wasn’t a meeting to decide how much to pay.

I know the world is growing greedy each day, and most of us might not pay anything if given a chance. LOL. But let’s not go overboard. Parents, please make it easy for the young people to go the right way. In any case we’re forming a relationship of mutual benefit forevermore. Let’s not spoil the foundations.


3. Here is the STRICT manual

You successfully went over the above hurdles and thought you’re through? Sorry dear!

Now this is the way we’d love your wedding to look like! This is how we’d love you to live! This is how you must treat our son! Our daughter must be cared in this very manner!

Rules Rules Rules!!! You can’t live your life.

A friend of mine did wed a couple of months ago, and you can imagine the fight they had to wed at the venue of their choice. The bride’s parents had their reasons why the wedding should be held at venue A – because it’s near their home! Seriously?! It’s their wedding. They’re covering transport costs. Let them enjoy.

It’s sad that some parents go as far as monitoring so closely what their children are doing in the marriage.

Every marriage is unique; mine will definitely be different from my dad’s. God will supply a different grace for mine. One thing I pray, allow us some freedom. Yea, guide us, correct us, but then give us room to blossom, by God’s grace.



Right now, as young people we feel it could be great if things went smooth on our side. Our parents, I believe, did wish for the same in their time. But it’s like they forget when the time to give out their children comes. When our time comes, will we have the grace to make the burden bearable for our children? Will we support them when they’re doing it the right way? I purpose to be good to my son in-law. I purpose to support my children to transit smoothly. What a prayer! How many are taking the challenge?