How Well Do You Know His Family?

No strings attached, but I often find myself begin an article from a man’s point of view – just ‘cause I’m a man. Today let’s be fair and have the title from the ladies point of view; Come 'on guys - it's valentine's day!

But you can as well ask 'How Well Do You Know Her Family?' LOL. 

One of the biggest challenges that has hit the institution of marriage is the fact that most young people begin this crucial journey without the involvement of their families, not even the parents. And, that’s a real problem.

Knowledge is power, it’s said, I guess because by knowing you’ll understand why you should insist on A, avoid B and maybe ignore C. If you desire for a successful marriage, knowledge of who brought up your life partner to be can’t be ignored.

What's their personality? What's the state of the family as far as marriage is concerned? What about spirituality? Never be lied to, the kind of family we grow in largely defines the kind husband/father or wife/mother we shall be.

Single Parent OR both parents?

A person who’s been brought up by a single mum requires a different handling from the one who’s been living with a single dad, or both parents – because they have a totally different view of who a husband/wife is depending on what they observed take place in their families.

These are facts, and facts are beneficial if we choose to embrace them for our good.

For instance, you may find a single-mum-man having hard times handling his wife because while growing, he missed the ‘husband/dad’ example. And he may tend to love his mum more than his wife because of the bond that grew over time. It ain't his fault.

There are ladies who won’t be convinced that men don’t beat up their wives, because in her family fights were the order of the day. You need to know that to make a good wife out of her.

It becomes even a bigger problem when a man whose mother was submissive marries a lady whose father didn’t have a say in family decision making. This man will expect maximum respect which his wife can't identify with. 

The economic, cultural and spiritual background must be looked at too; not to determine if you'll still marry her/him, but help understand them.

Ok, we don’t choose our families, it’s in God’s power to decide where we’re born. But as Chipukizi, the famous comedian said on Jeff Koinange Live, you’re not responsible for being born in a poor family, but you will be responsible if you die poor.


Ignorance can cost you a marriage!

When these two people with such differences start living together, it can truly be hard to live harmoniously, not because they’re a wrong match, but because they don’t understand their differences.

To live agreeably, both of you need to drop whatever trait you embraced from your parents that can’t work for you. You’re beginning a new thing, you most assuredly need new tactics.

That’s easily said than done. Human beings are naturally selfish (I’m seriously working on mine). No wonder Jesus demanded ‘love your neighbour’ to be the first commandment – at least to reduce the selfish nature in us. 

We do focus more on how we’re treated, not how we’re treating others.

It's likely to take a bit longer - be patient!

More to that, we readily don’t bring to light our ‘dark’ spots. Most of the couples I’ve talked to confess that it takes up to 3 years to START knowing your true partner. 3 years of living together as husband and wife, not dating!
People hide their ‘true selves’ from each other since they want to appear good and are too careful to hurt one another. After some period you can’t bare it any more. It’s called breaking point; your true identity starts to reveal.

Relevant sources tell me it’s VERY important to know who the parents/guardians of your love are. But we all know how we behave upon loving somebody. We just want to cling to them for better, for worse.

If it’s hard to understand a human being even when you’re living together, what about when living in two different towns? Pretense will take cause!

Being ignorant of your partner’s background is dangerous to your marriage simply because you’re likely to rub shoulders on wrong grains. It’s worse if you’ll lack patience.

That’s why we need God, who sees the beginning from the end. If He guides us we shall be safe. Be safe!

All the best! And happy Valentine's Day!

You’re welcome to share in the comment box bellow. If you’re or you’ve been in marriage, let’s hear your advice on this topic. And remember to hit the share button to reach our friends.