God Did It For Me, He Will Do It For You!

Deborah Gesare, A teacher at
All Saints Cathedral Primary School,
The plans of the mind belongs to man but the answer of the tongue comes from God.

My name is Deborah Gesare. I recall my last years in high school after working hard for 4 years and expecting to pass very well. I was, and still I am very bright. I ‘badly’ desired to take a course in environmental studies or, at worst, tourism later at University.

The moment came when I was to gather my energies and score to my best. But then I was hit with a serious mental blackout that allowed me neither to read nor just stay awake. In fact, up to date,  I have never understood what it was. I only know one thing: God performed a miracle on me.

This took my parents to a lot of panic and I remember being rushed overnight to Mukumu hospital where I was diagnosed with NO disease.

I was recommended to have a psychiatrist test on my psychology. I visited one and he recommended some drugs that only did me more harm than good. 

This happened exactly 2 weeks into the exam period. I was included in major prayer sessions which worked and I managed to do a better portion of my exam.

Hell broke loose again on the night before we did our Biology practicals; that is Paper 2 if my memory hasn’t failed. I was back to the blackout.

The only person who understood me was God. Students got scared, I never understood what was happening at all but I bless the Lord for one Layluck Mideva, a a form 3 student by then who was a  friend. She helped me keep a close knit of my personal belonging and programme despite the fact that she had her studies to concentrate on. God bless her.

Back to the Bio, exam. I am in the exam room but not able to write anything. I’ll never forget my teachers who did cry on my behalf to the supervisors that I be allowed to make ‘mistakes’ like sleeping in the lab while doing a practical exam.

The same happened to French Paper 2. A whole session of 2hrs 45mins got me only around 30minutes awake. I remember one Grace Omari, (a friend ) struggling to help me wake up. I had literary slept .

I pitied her because am sure this could only have lead to an irregularity.

This French paper marked the end of my exam struggles but the start of my worries.

I was picked and taken to Kakamega provincial hospital immediately where doctors tried to speculate what I was suffering from but all I know is, I ended up being a psychiatric patient for one month. I will never forget the form of depression this got me into because I did not understand why all this was happening to me. I totally lost hope.

I truly wish people knew what candidates go through when asked how the exam was. I was hopeful for the best but expected the worst.

February came. The most dreadful month, I guess, for KCSE candidates waiting for their results. It’s my dad who went to collect my results, he came home just happy that I had passed. I had scored a C+.

I did not know whether to be happy about this result or be sad. First happy because I had no irregularities or sad because I didn’t achieve what I wanted.  Couldn’t score at least a B Plain with a credibility of joining university? I remember my dad asking if I was ready to go back and I retaliated remembering what exams had cost me.

I was ready for anything in life but not training to be a teacher.  I immediately started applying for Nursing courses and lucky for me I got letters to allow me do nursing. That was expensive for my parents. I suggested journalism but my request fell on deaf ears. Teaching was my parents choice. Dad and mum asked me to apply for teaching and I obediently did because after all I knew I couldn’t  get admission. That was my faith not my parents. Dad being a pastor am sure had surely prayed I go through but on the contrary I never wanted teaching for a career just because of the reason you also may not want to be one.

Later, I got admitted in MOI TTC Baringo as a teacher trainee. I remember painfully crying at the gate of the college as my elder sister told me all will be well. She knew I did not want teaching as a career.

My 2yrs in college I can say are the most worth recalling coz it is in this college that I knew Jesus as my savior. I didn’t get a distinction at the end of the 2 years, neither did I a credit because of one aim: I wanted to disapprove my parents that teaching is not my thing. An action I later regretted.

Life after college was not easy but in brief, I managed to get a secure job,  3 yrs after college,  where 
I purposed to pursue a degree so that at least I get a test of University. With the encouragement of my mum and my late dad I have been able to pay my fees as I study trusting that I am headed the right direction to achieve my dreams. I may not have become an environmentalist but I know I will mould lives that can secure the planet to be a better place for human habitation.

My word for those who have got their results and feel they did not get the right grade or they did not get the right opportunity to perform as expected is, God has better plans for your life. Thank God that at least you got the opportunity to sit for that exam and come out successful in the eyes of God. You may think you did not succeed but God sees you as successful only if you think positively and know that He has good plans for you according to Jeremiah 29:11.
An illustration on Debborah's Facebook
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One thing I did not mentioned is I had to be written a letter by the doctor at the provincial hospital headquarter to rubberstamp the fact that I was Psychiatric case at exam time. This was necessary by virtue of fact that I did not do the exam with the required standard, I remember using a pencil to write answers in the biology paper and when the teacher passed by, she found me doing the wrong thing. She almost slapped me but remembered my case and went in to talk to the supervisors. Excessive rubbing of the exam paper is a sign of irregularity but I thank God because He did wonders for me.

Be encouraged, He surely loves you and has got great plans for your life. What I am today is because Jesus loves me so much.