Why It's Hard Finding True Love

At my age (kindly, don't inquiring how old I am) a thought of who I will marry is likely to pop out more often, especially when I came across people I feel "qualified" according to my mark list. I just realized, behind my mind, I've been carrying out a serious rating, a practice I found to be true to a good number of guys.

You’ll realize that you connect with people or rather find them favorable via three main avenues: Eye, mind and heart.

Considering these 3 avenues, there can emerge 8 possible forms of acceptance you may need to consider. Let’s examine the table below; a tick means you're attracted to a person physically (eye), Character-wise (mind) and spiritually (Spirit). An X means otherwise:

8 Possible Forms of Acceptance

*EYE: Represents physical attraction. Everyone has his/her physical preferences. You might accept  (✓), dislike (✗) or partially prefer physical appearances.

 *MIND: Represents how you view someone's character. Ever wondered how your friend came to gel with a character you utterly detaste?  It's because we get attracted to different personalities.

*HEART: Our spiritual portion plays a major role in "loving" someone. I will automatically prefer a true Christan to anyone else. A Muslim lady  may love everything about me, but find my faith (Christianity) unfavorable (✗). Some may find spirituality irrelevant in a relationship. You may decide to ignore spiritual perspectives but, as usual, your decision has it's consequences.

Why It’s tough to Love

Many will find 2 of 3 ticks in people around them, but insist to have all 3 – which is not possible, most of the time. God has created us imperfect human beings; only angels can glitter and still posses beautiful hearts. Better accept that fact.

Thus the fight you undergo is basically trying to accept the portion you’ve not loved. That’s why you say, “She’s beautiful but…” or “He’s a genius but….”; “How I wish her brains marched with her body!” or “If only he honored God as he honors human authority!”

So you keep adding and subtracting on your score card till you find a favorable choice. It takes a lot of decision making to truly love. Someone may be awesome at raising hands on an alter at church, but it’s until you step out of that church that you’ll realize, “Oh boy! I can only share a church with this person not a normal house, not a social event!”

I recently read an article  on a local daily on how men prefer dating "beautiful" women, but never get committed to marrying them at the end. That's a sad reality. It other words, they find them just good for pushing time. What a society?!


Wisdom Precedes Knowledge

In my article, youth dilemma: beauty or character, I explain that we all have the knowledge that once married, the inner beauty plays a major role than the physical beauty. A person who can help make decisions, cooperate with you, forgive when you’ve erred and understand when your financial graph assumes a nose dodge, will be more favorable than a smashing figure or well built muscles that will willingly let you slide off a cliff – even if they had a capacity to help out, which they have. 

I heard two startling statements from 2 married men which no woman would accept their men say.

One, a Pastor, said, “Don’t be lied to, there will always be a beautiful woman than your wife. That is a painful fact. But you must always, yes always, teach your mind to accept that yours is the most beautiful. It happens with everything; human nature never gets satisfied. You must train yourself to be contended. That’s wisdom over knowledge.”

I want to believe that applies to ladies too.

The second one, a non believer told me, “You better marry a woman who you can sit down with, discuss and find a solution together than a beauty who’ll ‘eat’ your head; whatever else you miss you’ll find it in ‘mpango wa kando’.”

Those are not tale-tell stories, they are realities taking place before our very eyes in our society. In their own respect the statements are, true. The involved parties are looking for a way to make it in their love story.

"Hell and destruction are never full; so the eyes of man are never satisfied." (Proverbs 27:20). Eyes are funny creatures; they are never satisfied.

But God is all knowing; He has provided an answer in the same Bible: The wise man's eyes are in his head... (Ecclesiastes 2:14). So it's up to you as an individual to decide to be wise.

Insist on a Pass

Marriage is the only School where you receive a certificate then proceed to sit for exams, so they say. The exams are done by two of you as a couple; woe unto you that want to sit separately or invite 3rd parties.

But as even you get into starting your papers, it’s very important that you rate your partner. Compile marks from the 3 parts (eye, mind and spirit). Suppose this was an exam, the “eye” portion is CAT 1, which is usually marked out of 20%. The Mind, CAT 2, takes 30%, and the spirit, the main paper, 50%. This requires God's intervention.

Some may wish to mark the “eye” exam out of 50% or even more, therefore weakening the other two most important components. That’s a disaster! But isn’t it what most do daily?

But whichever the formula, insist on a pass; only remember your formula has a greater impact on the coming relationship/marriage.