5 Stages Every Successiful Courtship Must Encounter

As I promised in the recent article, Preparing for Marriage: Events vs Processes, I wish to discuss here the stages every fulfilling courtship must go through. 

Various relationship experts have tried to address the period of courtship but, generally, every relationship just like germinating seeds, should be allowed to mature at its own rate.

Let’s go to the gist of the matter! Every courtship must go through the following stages:

Stage #1: Contact

This stage lasts approximately a month after engagement. 

Remember courtship is the period between engagement and marriage, and engagement is that moment when both parties agree consciously to get into marriage process.

Contact stage is full of bliss and excitement – all that we wanted is here at last!

Stage #2: Commitment

Commitment stage takes couple of months depending on the maturity of partners.

Now the fires are cooling down because love, being a ‘verb’, is turning practical – you need to show commitment.

Here you test each other to affirm the seriousness. You send an SMS not because you needed to but to see of she/he will reply. 

Some willingly offend their partner to assess their reaction.  

Note that if a relationship dies at commitment stage, it dies a natural death; no hope of resurrection as you’re completely written off.

Stage #3: Conflict Stage

This is the most important, yet delicate stage. It determines the strength of the bond between you.

Unfortunately, you can’t look forward to it as it comes when least expected, and marks the beginning of conflicts, for indeed there shall be ‘bad’ moments even in marriage.

If you’ve been in a relationship, there is this day, out of nowhere, this person who was an angel yesterday turn to a total stranger. Or it may be you who is not happy. Whichever the way, your relationship has turned from sweet to soar.  You’re now here to prove the depth of your commitment. 

Be very careful and calm when you face a conflict, especially the first one, knowing that the problem is not the conflict but how you solve it.

Depending on your maturity, there are 3 responses to a conflict:
  • Break the Relationship

This happens when one or both of the parties completely lack maturity to solve a problem. 

Every time you differ and hold strong different opinions, be warned you are at the verge of losing your relationship. 
  • Barry your head in the sand

You may choose to pretend nothing is wrong and continue living.

But as the proverbial ostrich, the fire shall catch up with you! One day you shall face a major conflict, too major to pretend.

It’s advisable to point out whatever you don’t like. Without being rude, be as open as possible.
  • Strengthen  the relationship

Mature people will use a conflict as a stepping stone to grow their bond.

You need wisdom not to make everything a conflict. Every disagreement should not be a cause of fights.

A conflict is not fighting and shouting; it only results from unmanaged disagreement.

 [You may also like: 3 Deadly "After-Committing Behaviors" That Will Kill Your Relationship]

Stage #4: Choice

Now that you have known both the weaknesses and strengths, you choose to love.

In the contact stage, you love because of what you see and imagine. In Choice stage, you love because you now. This is mature love.

Stage #5: Covenant

Though you’ve not said ‘I do’, congratulate yourself for getting to the covenant stage – and make sure you score here!

Often referred to as ‘trust stage’, covenant stage allows you to further foster faith, confidence and reliability with your better half.

Never ever marry someone you don’t trust! That day you’ll be making your vows, you and your heart ought to have one testimony: I know I can trust my life with this person.

May you be an exceptional, overcome the test!


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