How to Prepare for Successful Marriage: Events Vs Processes

Happy new year! It's been looong since we interacted, I carry the blame, and am truly sorry! Hope I found grace and mercy with you!

You might have seen this GIF doing circles on social media platforms of young men running away from a bouquet thrown to them by a groom, signifying they are not ready to be the next to get married. It might be just a GIF, but it’s a reflection of our true society.  Ladies would die to hold that flower, though. 

All around us, the ‘noise’ in the air is that marriage is a dangerous zone that must be entered with a lot of caution.  And, indeed, one won’t need a master’s degree to recognize that; divorce is on the rise like never before, single parenthood is the order of the day and absent fathers are all over.

I don’t want you, and I, to be part of that failing group.
You can decide to be a success, to form a marriage that will be emulated by many, that will be a solution amidst troubled relationships.

“How can I do that?” You ask. By preparing for processes, not event.

From the time you meet with your loved one to the moment you become husband and wife, there are 4 stages you ‘should’ go through. I am specific with ‘should’ because some go through just 2.

The 4 stages are well known to you:
  • Engagement
  • Courtship
  • Wedding
  • Marriage
These stages can be categorized into 2:
  1. Events: Engagement and Wedding
  2. Processes: Courtship and Marriage
Let’s analyze each of them so you may understand which to give more weight and why.

 Engagement

This is an event. Get the lady you’re dying to marry, ask her if she would love to live with you forevermore. Regardless of the answer she’ll give, that goes to the record of engagements.

Spiritually, it’s when two people agree to marry; when they are comfortable in their heart to take the other party as a life partner.  It may take some time of soul searching and analysis, but a decision is made in a just a moment. 

The physical part of it takes preparations – which mostly involves surprises. If your lady knew you gonna propose, then you failed out-rightly! 

Though it’s an important stage that rolls the marriage ball going, you should know it’s just an event. So don’t overdo and spend your whole self over it.

Courtship

Courtship is a process between engagement and wedding. It’s the moments two people intending to enter into marriage spend time together to know each other. 

Be cautioned! Courtship ain’t a rehearsal for marriage; you must not take it as a warm up exercise for the main thing – marriage. In fact, if marriage is the house, courtship is the foundation! That’s how serious it is.

To put this into right perspective, just figure out how much resource in terms of money, workforce and time goes into constructing a foundation, vis-a-vis electing the physical structure. The bigger and higher the structure, the stronger the foundation must be, if it will withstand the winds and weight.

Your marriages will be informed by what you lay as a foundation (courtship) for what you do in courtship you will naturally do in marriage.
That’s why you’re encouraged, while dating, to be open to each other, pray together, read the word together, discuss about your finances etc.

Invest in doing positive things together. If you do otherwise, don’t expect miracles when you get into marriage – especially on spiritual related issues. If you never prayed together while courting, how will you introduce kneeling and holding hands to pray in marriage? It’ll be haaard.

Note here, you may start it in marriage, but it’ll be a mountain to climb. Start now as you go through the stages of courtship. Do here what you would want to do in marriage. 


Wedding

I truly wish I don’t spend time discussing this. Weddings have become idols people worship! The moment people get through stage 1 (engagement) they start preparing for a wedding. When they meet they discuss about the wedding, when they think all that is in the mind is the wedding day –what they’ll wear and how they’ll shock the world. That’s very wrong.

This is why engaging the right people as you court is paramount – they’ll help you see this. 

I and my fiancĂ©e went to see one of our pastors as we prepare for the wedding –and  I mean the wedding.

We talked a lot of important stuff but one thing did change my perspective on weddings and marriage.
She said, “I know you’re totally focusing of the wedding day; all you’re praying for is to get finances and that it won’t rain on that day.” 

She was so right. 

“That’s where all go wrong and you must avoid joining that camp. I want you to focus on building your inner men; pray for yourselves, focus on how you can become a better person for each other. Many people prepare for a wedding and forget to prepare for their marriage.”

Marriage

Marriage is a Process. It’s the product that is visible to the world. We may not know how you’re fairing in your courtship, because just like a foundation, it’s hidden. But we shall surely know strong marriages no matter how hard you may hide – and of course, they are a reflection of the foundation.

But it’s useless to do a great foundation only to use wrong and weak materials for the structure. As a process, marriage must be carefully executed. Each of you must deliberately purpose to do his/her part diligently.

This is a topic that needs its own space and I shall, faithfully bring you articles on the same.

Conclusion

Many young people, and indeed most, prepare for events than processes. Some even neglect some processes. As I mentioned earlier, some go through 2 stages: Get engaged then immediately get married.
You may avoid the wedding, because it’s just an event, but you must not miss out on right courtship. 

Nevertheless, a wedding is vital too as a lot of spiritual alignment happens on this event and God is publicly and officially enthroned over your marriage.

Focus more on the processes than the events! Success in your marriage journey!

2 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. You're welcome sir! May you invest in the processes! God bless you, and thanks for finding time to comment.

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