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Wedding Committees: Are They Really That Evil?

Ever found yourself willingly not in support or against the success of a wedding? Then you might as well count yourself among marriage opposers and breakers. 


Today I’m not happy.

I did a Google search on the phrase "Wedding Committee" and these were the first 9 articles that popped on my screen:
  1. Wedding planner or wedding committee
  2. Burdening the wedding committee
  3. 5 most annoying Kenyan wedding committee habits
  4. Why I can't wait to say RIP to wedding committees
  5. WEDDING COMMITTEES & THE CHARACTERS
  6. When wedding committee members take their job too seriously
  7. Kenyans and Wedding Committees, a Tale of Exploitation
  8. WEDDING COMMITTEES: A QUICK WAY TO LOSE FRIENDS
  9. Wedding Planning Committee of Friends – Their Roles and Selections

I took my time to go through the articles and of the 9 only the last one was fairly positive. I wondered are the wedding committees that evil? Are we unknowingly joining marriage opposers?

It’s in public domain, there is a high rise in poor or broken marriages and single parents. That perhaps explains why the opposition coalition NASA in 2017 elections considered single mothers as a special group while forming their manifesto; trust me, when politicians focus in a group, they’ve seen numbers.

Kindly allow me to poor my anger and pain on these few lines. Why must we support weddings, especially on the committee level? There are many reasons but I’ll discuss the two I think are major.

1. The right footing

My heart pleads for the many young people struggling to make it through the turmoil of marriage. It’s true marriage has its challenges, but they should be managed.

I strongly believe, one of the major courses of such setbacks is starting a marriage with a wrong footing.

The process of organizing a successful wedding (successful here meaning done with right motives for right purpse) gives a couple an opportunity to set appropriate foundation for their marriage.

Though it may elapse unnoticed, the process of solving problems together, budgeting, resolving in-law related demands and celebrating a victory you won as a team speaks volumes to your future relationship.

What my wife Beatrice and I went through between the time we set our minds to wed and when we said “I do” has helped us a great deal. We learned how to handle our parents in case a misunderstanding arises between us and them. We started a culture of praying together and looking to God when stuck. And it’s at this point that we strengthened the ability to putting our heads together to solve our issues. I hear as people live together, more serious issues emerge, but we’re confident we’ll have the muscles to tackle them.

This process was accomplished because we decided to wed - kind of we were pushed through the wedding process tunnel. I think, if it were not for the wedding we could have simply moved in without much struggle – but miss the vital moments.

Talking from experience, preparing a wedding ain’t for the faint-hearted. It’s a huge task even if you have all the funding – and everyone knows this.

I understand most young people desiring to marry wish they did wed. Unfortunately, with our land Kenya and the unemployment rate, it might be hard to foot even the minimal bills that must come with the wedding.

Thus most of them opt to simply start living together and, obviously, bypass the head scratching, fighting-agreeing and decide-undecide process that builds their relationship muscles.

Planning to wed leads to other two must do things: Talk to your parents and and your spiritual leaders.

Apart from the practical and priceless counseling received from the pastoral team, I strongly believe allowing both your physical and spiritual parents speak a blessing into your marriage in the right atmosphere is of incomparable importance.

Literally speaking, this is what you deny “a friend” when you decide not to support their wedding. When young people avoid the wedding process, they miss many unseen benefits.

We therefore, at all cost, must encourage every young person to wed – and wed for the right reason, not show off. And whoever is responsible must make sure they have what it takes to face marriage.

2. By the way, what are friends for?

I have been a member of many wedding committees. As I am typing this we’ve like 4 weddings lined up in my church. I’m actually a secretary to one of them. 

Last year, which was my wedding year too I actively participated in over 7 weddings, in which one of them I was both the committee treasurer and event videographer. I remember staying behind to clear the service providers long after the couple had gone to enjoy their honey moon. And I must state here that I badly wanted to see them wed.

What I’m explaining in many words is that you are not a true friend if all we can do is celebrate a birthday cake I bought. A true friend must be there for you at all times, especially in times of need.

I simply couldn’t believe the overwhelming support we received from friends when we needed them as we prepared for our wedding. I know of two friends who fasted and prayed for a whole two days to bare my wife and I before God! We received moral and financial support. Some traveled (with their own means) from Nairobi to Kisii just to witness us make our vows! Isn’t that credible?

We need to support a person planning for a wedding simply because he’s a friend. Next time you feel irritated because someone has called for your support, re-consider if you’re truly a friend to him.

A point to note

Every time I go upcountry, I join my local church for morning devotions which happen every Sunday morning. In my visits, I realized that the people who were consistent last time grew cold feet and new ones took their place. Nevertheless, there lacked not a people to pray.

That encounter taught me one thing: At all times God will have people standing in the gap.

This helped me a lot when I was preparing my wedding. I knew that for sure there were people who could not support me, for one reason or the other. But I also knew for sure, there were people who could die for us.

You must not expect everyone to support your wedding, but should also know, always, there will be people to stand with you. This knowledge will help you overcome hatred. And by the way some of the people you bank on will disappoint you. So you better be open!

And if you support a friend, don’t make it a debt; they may not be in a position to help out when your time of need comes, but you can count on the good seed you plant now, for God shall bring people your way to support you. Likewise, don't restrain help to someone simply because they were not there for you when you called for support; this is the right person to help; don't pay evil for evil!

Your part as a couple

That said, if you're wedding, you should man up and put in place good practices. Get to learn how to approach people – don’t leave it entirely to your committee members for they don’t have a personal connection with your friend.

I personally took it upon myselve to talk to my friends, not just sms, and asked my wife, (fiencee then) to do the same to her friends. It was in the very last stages that we allowed our committee officials take up the task.

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You must have heard complaints from people that marriage doesn’t work. That there are no “marriage materials”. That it’s better to stay single than be married.

As much as they're entitled to their freedom, what such statements are doing is strangle marriage and bar as many as possible from entering this institution. And, I think, if you willingly aren't supporting weddings, you are also not for marriage.

What are your thoughts on wedding committees? Is it worth it supporting a couple intend to wed? Share your views in the comment box bellow. Also share to reach your friends; sharing is caring!

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