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Why Exhortations to Love Wives and Submit to Husband are not Going to Work


The other day, in a bus on my way home, I made a new friend. At a glance, on top of her great smile, she looked like a professional model. 

But going deeper, after catching up on ‘what are you doing in Nairobi’ and ‘where do you live’,  I realized behind that smile was a very sad and crushed heart.


“Job,  I was in second year pursuing a course in hospitality, when my uncle who had taken the burden of educate me, as my parents were hard stricken with poverty, kicked me out of his house.” My new friend opened up.

I listened keenly.

“I was left on my own.”

“I decided to raise my school fees, 63,000 to complete my studies. God was gracious to give a job, though it only paid 12,000 monthly."

“In my movements up and down, I met this man whom we, I think, fall in love with. After learning my story, and now that we were more than friends, chose to pay my school fees and supported me clear my studies.”

“Later we moved in as husband and wife.”

“I conceived.”

“It turned out that my pregnancy had complication such that I had to see a doctor on a weekly basis.”

“That was the beginning of our troubles. He stopped supporting me, and openly neglected me.”

To cut the long story short, they parted ways. My new friend, at last, gave birth to a baby boy, 1 year old now.

We shared a lot more, I encouraged and prayed with her. By the time we were departing, she seemed to have picked new energy to face her life and be the best gift to her single patented son.

But long after she was gone, the thought of why human beings act insanely towards people they first loved kept torturing me. 

Just this week a man was sentenced to 12 years behind bars for brutally beating his wife. 

Incidents of wives literally throwing boiling water over their husbands have always left us shocked.

Many cases of betrayal by the very people we trusted with every bit of our lives are all over. 

Why it must go this way is the question in my head.

Going to the very source of this love/submission advice, Colossians 3, I noticed, before asking us to love and submit, Paul had laid a foundation that must exist for this kind of relationship to blossom.

I strongly believe, Paul had a good reason as to why he asked the Colossians to clothe themselves with these traits before admonishing them on love and submission.

Before you think of loving someone, before convincing yourself that you can actually submit to a man, check if you have poses these traits. 

1. Bowels of Mercy and kindness

This is having a true sympathy and tender pity with a person in trouble. Meaning, you are expected, at all times, to express acts of concern to people who need your support. Without this clothing, a man can easily throw out his wife at 5th month of expectancy. Yea, a ‘once loving wife’ can divorce a man because he lost job or business. What is lacking in these people is a merciful heart that can be drawn to kindness.

2. Humbleness of mind 

Considering that as a human being, you have shortcomings that other people, including your spouse should bear with. Knowing that you too is prone to infirmities. No person in this state of mind will fail to understand the limitations of his spouse. Humility is a must have ingredient for a submissive wife and loving husband.

3. Meekness and long suffering 

For how long can you put up with a wrong? This trait moderates your and controlling your tempers. It’s this ingredient missing in abusive marriages where people use knives and clubs on one another. Lack of meekness and long suffering causes people to burn and kill their own loved ones. Are you able to restrain yourself from injuring other people? Then you’re ready for submitting and loving.

4. Forbearance and mutual forgiveness

No matter how good or holy people may be, be aware that, in any relationship, be it in marriage, at work or church, offence is liable to happen. This thus calls for anyone who desires a marriage where submission and love reside to practice forgiveness, considering that they too shall surely at one point need to be forgiven since they are not immune to committing offences. Every time you are provoked, draw from your well of forbearance and forgiveness the grace to treat your fellow person with mercy and kindness. 

Without making sure that our youth poses these Christ given characters, no matter how hard we ask them to love and submit, it's going to be hard to live this kind of life. Why? Because they lack that which forms the foundation of a loving husband and submissive wife.

What are your view regarding love and submission in marriage? Comment in your inbox bellow. Also remember to share to reach your friends; sharing is caring. 

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